I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
