I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
