living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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