wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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