ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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