Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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