I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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