How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
