just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
