halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
