he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I will be naked everywhere
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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