Will you blow on my dice?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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