Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
