Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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