I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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