Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
