wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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