I wish my penis had an off switch
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
