I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
