do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
