Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
