mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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