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I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
