i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
