She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
