WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
