Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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