he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
