just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
