Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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