I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
