I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
