I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
