How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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