An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
