I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
