Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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