i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
