Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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