I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
