my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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