hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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