I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
