Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize