Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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