Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
