Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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