Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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