I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
