I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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