i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
