Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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